Melancholy

First off, before I get started on the dismal stuff, I have a few announcements.

Today, Wednesday the 7th, I will be doing a guest post with Julia Witmer about ways to find inspiration.

Then, on Saturday the 10th, I'll be doing one with Abigayle at The Left-Handed Typist about ways to write a meaningful villain.

I'll post the link again on Saturday, but I wanted to let you know ahead of time in case I don't get to it right away.

Now, moving on to the depths of despair.

 

I've always liked this picture.

 First of all it intrigues me. It also makes me really sad for him. Because I'm certain his country used to exist, and it was great. Now it’s gone though, and no one remembers it.

But he does.

He remembers every glorious moment, still fresh in his mind, no matter how much time has passed, or how many other people forgot that there was once such a place.

 

I feel like that sometimes.

 Well, minus the top hat.

 I feel like I had a whole 'nother...nother...I literally just realized that the phrase "a whole nother" is not actually correct, and now I'm trying to remember what the proper word is.....another! 

 

 Let’s try this again.

I feel like I had another life before, and now it’s gone and no one else remembers it. I was struck with this mood a couple days ago whilst browsing Facebook.

You know, Jarod really might be on to something when he says it’s terrible.

I came across a picture of an old friend of mine. He doesn't post very often, so it’s always kind of a surprise when he comes across my feed, because I tend to forget he even has Facebook.

I looked at that picture, and I missed him.

 

 It just came on me so sudden, and I really couldn't even begin to explain why. This boy was my best friend through most of middle school, and junior high. We never were a couple, or even had a crush on each other. I didn't miss him like that. But it took me out for a whole day. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't exactly call Jarod and tell him I was depressed because I missed a boy I used to know. Even if we were ever only friends.

 

I tried to figure out what made me so sad about seeing that picture, and finally figured it out. It was a comparison shot. One picture was him as a little boy, the boy I used to know, and the other was him in his military uniform. I missed him because he didn't exist anymore. The boy I knew has changed, so much, and is now basically a stranger with some shared memories. That's what made me sad.

It's not to say that the person he is now is bad. Not at all. He's doing really well as a soldier, and he's proud of his country, and it’s great. So I'm not saying he's turned into something wrong. But he's just different. And I guess he has been for a long time.

He started as a smiley little boy who wanted his own dog so desperately, and would do anything to get on a horse, who gradually turned into a boy who saved all of his money to buy traps and a hunting dog, to a boy who climbed on bucking bulls for fun and bought pickups that were dangerously loud. He went from a boy I talked to on the phone or in person every single week, to a boy that went off to high school with other girls who weren't looking to be just friends. I changed too. It's hard to have a boy who's your friend, when you're in high school and you're expected to have a boyfriend. I understood. I never held it against him. I hope he didn't hold it against me. But it still hurts, even when you understand.

 

Now we're both all grown up and I can't actually remember when the last time I talked to him was. He's halfway across the country, and I'm here and married with the cutest little guy. I can't say I regret that those days are over, because I wouldn't trade the life I have now for all the childhood friendships in the world, but it's still kind of sad to remember all the fun times, because you know those aren't going to happen again, and maybe they didn't mean as much to the people you did them with, as they did to you. And you just go on being the king or queen of your own little country, and the world keeps turning around.