I'm Busy, Busy, Shockingly Busy.

Does no one appreciate my reference to the Veggie Tales version of the good Samaritan? No one? Okay.

I did have plans to do a full blown post today, complete with pictures and the works, but life struck and I'm having no such luck.
It's a good sort of busy mostly though. I've completed two of my college courses for the semester, so I'm feeling pretty relieved about that. Now I just have to work on the last one. The one I hate. Office Procedures and Technology -_-
Who the heck wants to answer the question "How often should you take rest breaks (at minimum) when working at a computer?"
                                                                        What??
                               I'm a fangirl/writer/blogger. I don't do 'breaks' at a computer.

It's freakishly windy today, so feeding took a little longer than usual because, well, because all the feed was blowing away to Kansas instead of into the feeders. And we had to make a cow adopt a calf, so that took some time, and all those little odds and ends that come along with living on a farm.

But you know what's taken my full attention today? Two words:

                                                                     Writing Contest

It's an awesome one going on over at GoTeenWriters.
http://goteenwriters.blogspot.com/2014/03/go-teen-writers-1000-word-writing.html

Jill and Stephanie are being awesome enough to be first round judges, and then they got some really cool authors and -get this- a LITERARY AGENT to do the second and final rounds. Only two hundred entries are allowed this time, and so I'm working hard to get mine ready for Thursday when it opens up. The catch? The contest is for the first 1000 words of your story. You know why that's making me freaky busy? Go take a look at the My Stories page.
                                     I HAVE LOTS OF STORIES TO CHOOSE FROM.
                                                                  8 to be exact.
                                                 I've managed to narrow it down to 7.
                                                                       *yay*

                                                              The choices are:
                                                                      Blaze
                                                                    Purpose
                                                               Raising Rebels
                                                             Beautiful Things
                                                               The Dystopia
                                                                 Jake's Story
                                                              Out of Darkness.

Writing beginnings aren't exactly my strong point, so it's taking quite a bit of editing to get them looking decent. I'm still not totally decided on which one I'm going to use, but I've enlisted my mom and Minion 1 to help me choose. As soon as I get them printed out nicely they will read them.
                                                                     *scary*
Minion 1 is a great beta reader, but mom doesn't usually read much of my stuff, so her reactions are still nerve wracking for me.

Aside from all that crazy stuff, I'm running on weird hours of sleep. Who the heck said Benjamin Franklin was smart for inventing daylight savings time??
                                                                   NOT ME!
                                                   I never said any such nonsense.
I hate daylight savings time. Especially this business about springing forward, and all that gibberish.
It does no good. There's still the same amount of hours in the day. Sure, people with their big city jobs probably like getting home with an 'extra' hour of daylight, but for little ol' me out here in the sticks- It does nothing. Nothing but robs me of sleep and throws off my internal clock and gets me in fights with my mom about whether or not anything has actually changed in the whole scheme of life                                                (because it hasn't people. It hasn't).

So, I'm off and away to keep working on my document of story beginnings, and tell myself that it's 12:46. Not 1:46.

Warning: Sarcasm

Since it's been coming up lately, I'm going to talk about humor. Cause that's one thing of mine that I know bleeds through into my stories. I try not to let too much other stuff through. I mean sure, my Christian beliefs do, but I try not to harp on denominations and things like that. Or, I had to learn that all my characters couldn't be blond haired, blue eyed and be my age. *sigh* 

But my sense of humor comes through. Sorry. I can't write giddy, giggly, people. If a character is funny, they're going to have a dry, sarcastic, 'borderline' morbid sense of humor. 

I'm a pretty funny person... I guess. I'm one of those people who says something in all honesty and people laugh. It's pretty annoying. 

For instance, I was at a church potluck a couple weeks ago. I had a brownie and life was great. I'd left the kids table and was moving over to where my mom and some other women were sitting when mom asked for a glass of water (Cause that's what moms do). So I set my brownie down and went and got the water and when I came back, my brownie was gone. And I said:

                                   "Someone at this table is going to die."

And the whole table started laughing. Why?? That's not funny at all. I wanted my brownie!

Or when certain people are like "Hey! My bestie forever and ever Maddie!"
And I'm like "Reluctant acquaintance" and they laugh. Why?

My mom says I'm rude, but that doesn't make much sense to me. They laugh. How can it be rude if they don't even know I'm rude??

I find when I'm actually trying to be funny, people just look at me. It's when I'm being dead serious that people start laughing.
I'm notorious for comebacks too.

GUY: "Hey, how did you get off the farm?"
ME: "How did you get out of Juvie?"

 

I kind of live a balancing act sort of life. Half of my family and friends speak my language and we can sit and talk this demented kind of humor for years on end. And then there's the other half...I have to pretend to be boring with them.

They take me way too literally. WAY too literally. Like, do they seriously think I'm going to take the time to vandalize a slumber party using ketchup and mustard?? No way man. I need my sleep.

So when I'm writing and my characters say something like-

Cannon flinched and backed away. Apparently, Tommy couldn't afford a room or a bath. "That's great." He choked. Fumbling in his pocket, he handed him a stick of gum.
Tommy frowned. "What’s that for?"
"The good of mankind." Cannon said dryly.
Tommy glared and swore at him. Cannon shrugged and put the gum away. Gage and Tommy stalked off to the living room.
"You shouldn't have done that." Sophie said quietly.
"Mom, he's an environmental hazard."

Or-
"Jake you cant just sit and brood all the time. You need to get it out or you’ll explode.”
He smiled, completely ignoring the seriousness of the situation. “I’ve always thought explosions were pretty cool.”

Or even-
“Now when the fire ignites,” Darren explained. “Gwen is going to use magic to lift you above it.” He cast Gwen a look and she nodded in agreement. “And you are going to pretend to be the dead soldier’s ghost, and your going to be angry.” 
Seth snorted. “How do you propose to keep me from getting roasted?”
Darren looked at Gwen.
“I can cast a spell to protect you from the heat.” She offered.
Seth nodded reluctantly. “Fine.”
In no time at all the soldiers came into view and the flames sprang up.
Seth turned to Gwen. “If you drop me I’ll…”
“You’ll be dead.”
                                  That's me bleeding through onto the paper.

                                              If I was in those situations,
(had no family to keep me in line, nothing left to lose, magic powers, and was a guy)
                                             those are the things I would say.
I don't have to work hard to make my characters funny. Their sense of humor comes naturally. Sometimes too naturally. I don't know how many times the original character profile says "calm, serious, quiet" and the end result is something like "quiet, sarcastic, thinks the whole world is stupid and not worth his time".
Maybe that's something I need to work on. I'm not sure. People seem to like them, and I do try to mix it up a bit so not all my characters have the same levels of sarcasm and dry humor (there are different levels you know).

 But really, what fun is a world where the only humor comes from knock knock jokes?
    (the answer is no fun. No fun at all. Knock knock jokes suck moose juice) 

 

 

                                                   (I sent this to a guy once)
                                                          (DON'T LAUGH)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've Been Robbed!

                                           You know what's frustrating?
                                                           Celebrities.
                                                         I mean honestly.
Everyone loves them for the funny things they say, or do. Or even book characters written by author celebrities. We love how they think and feel. And they make millions cause of it. And you know where they get those thoughts, words, and things from?

                                                                     ME.
 

 

                                                                    Yeah.
I'm serious, I'm 99% sure that Suzanne Collins stalked my brain somehow and put it into a book character named Katniss Everdeen.

Picture me, reading this Hunger Games book everyone's been reading about and that parents are paranoid about, and along comes the scene where Katniss describes her feelings for the world at large, and how she thinks about her sister and mom.
                                 And I nearly fell over. 

                She just described my whole state of mind.
 

    But when I'm moody and aloof no one thinks I'm an    awesome strong female lead. I'm just a grouch.
 

Or take duck dynasty. Aside from Jack and Happy happy happy, those people speak my language. There's sayings on that show that I thought were born in my family. 

And it's on tv! Making money!!

 

Or how's about when I was 8 and decided I needed to make a device that set an alarm off on your remote control when you lost it? 

Guess what showed up in stores a year later?
 

Or take people like Glenn Beck. That guy gets a four hour radio program that's mostly him laughing hysterically. I can be sarcastic and derogatory too! I can laugh about it for days!
 

Or Garrett Hedlund. I love him. But the guy is just slightly higher than insane.
                                       But YouTube is full of interviews for him.
                                  The guys never been in a huge movie in his life.
                                                     He dies in half of his roles.
                                                          But people like him.
I can be just as crazy as that! I can talk with my hands, and a freakishly low voice, and pause too much between my words just like he does. But no one tracks me down to a tiny little house full of dogs to ask me about a controversial statement on giraffes.
                                              (They did for garrett. No joke)
                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQRlCgeba38
 

I've been through my whole house and can't find any hidden cameras or microphones. I know there's no chips in me recording my thoughts. But somehow, they're doing it. Somehow they know. And they're using it. But I will not rest! I will not stop until I've stopped their personality stealing ways and become famous on my own insanity. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Teachers and Desperation For a Topic

Hi guys!

Since I'm having a lack of creativity here, I'm posting about school. Necessary or no, it's very nasty stuff. A complete dream killer. You don't know frustration until you're stuck doing algebra problems and a story idea comes to you that you just can't wait to write down. And then your mom walks in the room. 

Yeah. I'm homeschooled. 

Which means I can go super fast and be writing away most of the day while the rest of the world is still in class. It's awesome. 

And for those of you wondering- no, I don't get extra homework. It's all homework. 

(And I don't leave my bedroom in pajamas let alone do school in them) 

But anyway, homeschooling was great. My teacher was a little grouchy, but I can't complain too much right? She makes good suppers. 

Now I'm in college and things aren't much different. I'm messing around at a community college until I figure out what I want to do, and the classes are all online, so life's sweet. 

Now THOSE teachers...wow. It's interesting working with them. I went a whole semester emailing my teacher like "hey jan" before I remembered "I think it's supposed to be mrs. Something or other".....

Hey jan. 

then there's the teachers who are all strict about "get this thing due on time or you will burn." And I'm like "hey great. I like to know what's next on my list." But please. For the love of all sanity, GRADE MY PAPERS ON TIME.  It makes my life so much easier thanks. 

Of all my classes, I only really like two. And that's only on certain days.english composition was great. My teacher liked me (I'm totally reading in between the lines here... But who wouldn't like me?) and I got good grades. And as much as I hate doing research papers, it was fun to write. 

Business math. Eh. I did good at it. I've always been lamentably good at math. It stinks, cause then math is always the obvious choice for a class to take, and I hate it. With a bloody passion. I have to listen to Skillet while I do it just to remain calm. 

I'm also doing proofreading and editing, which I like but am not as good at. Helps my writing though. 

As for pc basics and office management. Please. Kill me. I can't stand them. I think I know how to turn on my computer and smile at a customer. 

But it'll come in handy someday right? Right?? 

The Wonderful World of My Life is Trying To Kill Me

It is, honest. But not the blog version. The real thing. 

The last week has been sub zero temperatures. Last night was -9, and a high of 2 degrees during the day- and that's not even taking into consideration the windchill. 

We're now right smack in the middle of calving season so that means dad is staying up most of the night checking calves every two hours. During the day me and my sisters help and check them every hour. 

The tractors have to be plugged in for hours to get them warm enough to start so we can feed cows. In three different places. One of them twice a day. We keep putting in fuel conditioners to keep them from freezing up on the road on our way there.

 I just came inside from wrestling brittle hoses around trying to get them stretched out to fill the horse tank. The connection is leaking and it's just one giant ice pile right next to the hydrant. 

Calves are being born and we have to hurry to get them in the barn before they freeze they're feet and ears off- or even to death. With the process of getting them in and warm, comes the trouble of having to get their mothers in the barn (which means we have to try and start the four wheeler) and hope they remember each other. If they don't we have to teach the baby how to nurse, so he gets his first milk. Otherwise he'll die. 

My bottle calves are all gone now. We had to adopt them out to cows whose baby's had died. We've had to doctor several calves for having scours (think the flu).  Don't forget to chop the dog and chicken water, haul wood up to the house and fill the cow tank several times a day. 

Aside from the battle against the elements, I'm also coming down with a nasty cough and cold, and I'm dog tired...speaking of dog, my dog has fallen in love with a cat and totally forgot we exist. I'm not sure if this means he really needs a girlfriend or if we need to make sure he never gets one. Because he literally pays us no attention. It's so much more than puppy love. 

But you know what's even crazier than everything I just said?? 

IM NOT COMPLAINING. 

Sure when I'm outside I'm sure I can't go on, and it's too much and I just want to go back to bed- but I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love it. It's awesome. When I go outside and see that cow with her baby, a happy family, and see how the little calves snuggle up in the hay, and suddenly remember I have a dog when he jumps in the front seat with me- its good. It really is the WONDERFUL world of my life. 

A Decision

I have news guys. Terrible news. I'm going to quit watching Revolution.

And I'm very sad.

But, I really think it is the right thing to do, due to the careless and demeaning way the show has taken to referring to God.

I know I shouldn't be surprised. Hollywood is famous for this type of thing. But for some reason I thought making it halfway through the second season, and not having much to worry about on that front, I thought maybe I could make it through. Guess not.

 

What annoys me to no end is that the character who is slighting God's name in the show, saying how their computer technology is better, and how they don't need God anymore, isn't even all that relevant to the story. I'd be totally happy to have a show all about Miles and Sebastian.

No Aaron Pitman and weird phony excuse for a pastor necessary.

The fact that the movie people had to drag in such blatant shots at God makes me sick.

It makes me mad that everywhere I turn, these attitudes of God not being important or existent are creeping in. I find a good book series I like, and make it all the way to the second book, and find out there is a blatant sin in it that goes against my beliefs.

Now I could just keep it under my hat, and keep reading. Not tell my family what content I'm pumping into my head, and just ignore it.

But my family isn't who I'm living for.

I'm living for God. And I know that he has the best in store for me, and that's why he tells me to guard my mind against these types of things. Not only is it 'just' dishonoring to him, it will also get stuck in my head. I'll think about it. It will effect me.

It will make me okay with sin. Think it's not that big of a deal as long as I don't actually do it.

Sometimes I just want to grab movie and TV show writers, and book authors.   

I want to tell them just what I think of them and their glaring attacks on my beliefs. I want to tell them what a good thing they had going. That things were great and they need to leave it at that. No additional slop necessary. Just stick to the story and I'll be one happy fan. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

But I can't do that. I can't shake them and give them a crazed militia leader look.

I can't even go with the just slightly less crazy best friend look.

 

 

So, I'll just hang out here in my own, wonderful little world and- even though it hurts- work hard to keep my mind safe from things I know God doesn't want me pumping in to it.

 

 

 

 

Another Round of Jake

After posting all those questions the other day for Jake, I realized that I'd forgotten to include some of the ones my sisters gave me to me. And they came up with some pretty darn good ones. And, since you all seem to like Jake quite a bit, I'm hoping you don't kill me for giving you more of him. I'm in a rush right now- might have to go pull a calf before Bible study and youth group- so I hope it's okay.

Q. How long does it take to fix your hair?
Jake. Whoa, hey. NO. FIXING my hair makes it sound like I'm a girl. I don't FIX my hair. I gel it, and spike it.
Me. That's fixing Jake. Answer the question.
Jake. *huff* It takes about fifteen to twenty minutes to get it just right. I don't know how long it takes to dye it.

Q. Why do you go to the music store all the time, if you never actually buy anything?
Jake. Because I like to go see all the new music that's there, and test out some of it in the back. That way I can decide what's worth downloading. It gives me a place to kill time too.

Q. If you were paralyzed from the waist down, what would you do?
Jake. I'd die. Just die.
Me. If dying wasn't an option. I'm not going to let you go out like that.
Jake. Power freak. Fine. I guess I'd just have to live with it, now wouldn't I? Maybe I could get one of those high power, racing wheelchairs.

Q. Why the blue Mohawk?
Jake. Because it looks cool. And I like blue. And my dad hates it. And it sends a clear message to everyone around me.
Me. What message Jake?
Jake. Stop popping in on my interview woman! What do you think when you see a guy with a blue Mohawk?
Me. Stay away from that guy. He's probably trouble.
Jake. Right there is your message.

And...I did end up having to pull a calf and I didn't get this finished yesterday, so you're getting it today. Sorry for the delay. I'm also doing school right now and have a busy day, so I'm not going to dig out pictures for this post.

Q. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?
Jake. No, actually, I don't. That's not my brand of crazy.

Q. What grade are you in?
Jake. Well, I'm a Junior in high school, but this is the second time I've taken it.

Q. Favorite pop and candy bar?
Jake. I like Squirt and Zero bars. Does Monster count as a pop?

Q. Favorite band?
Jake. I don't have favorite bands really. I just pick songs I like. As long as they're not too slow and happy sounding I like them.

Q. What's something that scares you?
Jake. I'm not answering that.
Me. Come on Jake. They asked.
Jake. I don't care. I'm not going there. Isn't there a personal space law in these interviews?
Me. Jake.
Jake. An uprising of goldfish.
Me. Jake, my gosh.
Jake. Pink goldfish.

Q. Do you go to church?
Jake. No. I did sometimes when I was little, but me and dad actually agree on something- we don't need to go to church. Besides, don't they have some kind of dress code thing? Like, no unnaturally colored hair?

Q. What do you think of your writer?
Jake. Well, if she'll shut up long enough to let me answer, I'll tell you....That chick is flat out crazy. Totally. I mean, seriously. What did I ever do to her?? Way to ruin my life. I mean, sure. She gave me a cool sense of humor, and awesome taste in clothes and music, but that's kind of where our sweet happy relationship comes to a crash and burn collision. It'll be interesting getting to The End  with this lady. I keep seeing scribbles of paralyzation...I don't think that's a word... and death floating around...Don't let her kill me!