Thursday, August 20, 2015
Lessons from a Fairy Tale
Hi guys! So, today I'm going to share with you a little about my relationship, outside of the story world you all have been enjoying.
I thought I'd share with you some of the things I've learned so far, just for the heck of it. Not sure how many of you are or are not in a relationship, but some of these might be helpful for when you are. Or, they might be completely useless, but they may make you laugh. Which is just fine with me.
Things I've Learned From A Fairy Tale
1. Keep your head on.
Sometimes its easy to get caught in the heat of the moment. "Oh my gosh! He likes me!!" While its okay to have those feelings, don't live there with them. If a relationship is going to grow and be serious you have to be able to think clearly at times too. Is this something you can picture for the rest of your life, or are you just caught up in the fun and giggles of the moment?
2. Be yourself at all times.
Do not be fake. Even with little things. It's not fair to you partner, and its not fair to you. They're trying to get to know you in this relationship. Don't make them work harder than they already have to. Don't stress yourself trying to guess what will make them like you better. If you like to sing along to the radio in the car, GO FOR IT! Just cuz they are riding shotgun doesn't mean you can't rock out like usual.
3. Don't be stiff.
While you need to have some sense of seriousness in a relationship, don't be a kill joy. Go ahead and be goofy. Be downright silly. Have fun. Say Hmmm and Yup back and forth for hours, just because neither one of you wants to break the chain. Be pointless.
4. Don't go too fast.
I would think this is sort of obvious, but its actually not. Once you get into a relationship you just really want to start firing on all cylinders. You want to say I love you after the first five minutes....Oh, you don't? Must just be me. Sorry, never mind. This goes back to keeping your head on. If you are both taking things one step at a time and not rushing into anything, you're much more likely to have a solid relationship built on something real.
5. Too slow isn't good either.
This one is a little tricky, and must be taken carefully. But the whole point of a relationship is to grow. Don't be afraid to take steps forward.
6. Dream, make plans.
It's okay to talk about the future for the two of you. While its not guaranteed that you will end up with your date, there is no point in going into a relationship without considering it. You want to look at each other as a potential spouse, and talk about what a life together would look like. A relationship that stays at only dating forever is unhealthy and leads to ungodly things. Relationships neither go on to a marriage, or they don't work out. Go ahead and think about where it could lead. This shouldn't happen right away. That's just awkward and breaking lesson number four. But once you get a little time on your hands, it starts to make sense.
7. Set your own standards.
Now, if you're still living at home, your parents are going to have rules for your relationship. They are going to have curfews and boundaries and such. But it is important for you to set your own. By all means, obey your parents, but talk to your partner. Set your own boundaries. Make sure they are your own and that you both agree on them. A relationship built on "My dad said I can't" or "I know you disagree, but we are doing this" is not a good one. Make sure you do set standards early on. Don't assume you are both on the same page. Talk about this stuff.
8. Talk to each other.
Do not assume anything. Communication is key. If something is bothering you, get it out in the open. Don't let it fester. Don't push it off when they want to talk about something. Make sure you listen. Even if its uncomfortable, or hard. You have to be open with each other.
9. The past is done.
All of it. Don't hold their past against them. Don't dwell on your past and let it hurt your present. Do not talk about old loves, at least early on. Later, as the relationship gets strong, its okay to talk about those types of things. But don't ever let it seem like you wish something else had worked out, and your present relationship is just what you ended up with. Not even by accident.
10. Don't be sensitive.
Sometimes things will be said that might come out wrong. Don't dwell on those things. Don't let them create a problem. Don't be touchy. If he casually mentions a girl he went to prom with, that is not a threat to you. Let him talk. Go ahead and laugh at yourself. Jokes are fun, not insulting.
If they say sorry, do not drag it on. Don't play games. Don't make them feel guilty, or apologize multiple times. Tell them you forgive them. Don't keep a record of wrong. Forgive, and throw it away. You're not allowed to use it as ammunition against them.
12. Don't change, and don't ask them to.
You are who you are. They are who they are. If you or they have problems, it is God's place to work in the heart and help them grow in that area, not yours. You are not their holy spirit, and they are not yours.
13. Don't compromise.
You come into relationship with standards and beliefs. Stick to them.
14. Girls, let him lead.
He doesn't get to be a dictator, but God set it up for the man to be the leader. Don't boss him around.
15. Don't air dirty laundry and don't bad mouth his family.
If you are having issues at home, don't talk about. A little bit is fine, if you need some consolation, but don't thrash your family or anyone for that matter. It makes them bitter toward those people, because they want to side with you. And no matter how much they complain about their family, don't thrash them too. Blood is thicker than water. Complaining is alright for them. They get upset when you jump in too eagerly.
I've learned more, I'm sure. But this is what came to mind so far. Hope you like it. Feel free to add your thoughts!