And That's My Take on the Matter

It's been going around for years. This big conflicted hype about christian dating. Should you even be dating? No, no you should be courting. Be careful who you date, wait for God to show you the one. Before you do anything, should you even want to get married?

I'm not exaggerating. I spent four years in a community for christian girls from all over the world. The new ideas of Godly relationships were a popular topic. Girls shared things from popular new dating books, things their pastor of youth leader had told them, or even parents. And it makes me sad and disgusted. 

For many of the ideas, they are good things to consider. But as a culture we like to take things to the extreme. Suddenly we swallow the idea that you can't be pure if your relationship is a dating one. And if you date rather than court you are somehow prostituting yourself out. But when I ask these die hard supporters of courting what it is, no one can tell me. No one has given me a clear definition of what modern day courting means. So many girls have taken the idea that we need to allow God to lead us to the right 'one' (a good idea) and taken it so far that when a decent guy comes along and shows interest the girl wont give him the time of day because they haven't heard an audible voice from heaven saying he is their one. And somewhere along the line it became a sin to date someone and end up not marrying them. I venture to say it is a sin to date someone, realize it wouldn't be a good match, then marry them anyway. 

The other day I read a post someone shared about being single. You can check it out here. There was nothing wrong with it at all, so I'm not putting it down. I fully agree that while a person is single they don't need to pine away for a spouse. A single person needs to focus on the Lord and live their life no matter what their relationship status. The post wasn't a problem so much as the commentary the person who shared it had. It pretty much said that people need to not force marriage on people, and was generally very hostile. Now, I understand that some people can push hard for a person to get married. Those parents want grandkids! But overall, I don't see that there is a big push to get married. In fact, I think it is quite the opposite. I think our culture, both secular and christian, is geared to push singleness on a person. Of course, there are exceptions. I'm not saying everyone. 

I've felt it in my own life. People tell me they think I would be a good missionary. A good single missionary, literally emphasizing single. What gives, man? Can't I just be a missionary, period? Or when me and my boyfriend started talking about getting married, we ran into some serious opposition. People kept telling us how there is nothing wrong with being single, and you can really serve God....Um...Yes. We know there is nothing wrong with being single. But...we're not single. And there is nothing wrong with that either. 

Somehow this notion has snuck in that says single is somehow holier. No one really says it, but it seems to hover in the shadows for so many people *ahem* Wrong! 

The Bible does say you can serve God single. I'm not arguing that. But if you take the time to read a lot of what Paul wrote about being single, it says that it was Paul's opinion on the matter, as God hadn't told him either way. It says that! 

The Bible has just as may passages about being married. Favorable passages. 

The point is, there is no cookie cutter answer, one size fits all. God planned for some people to be single, and some to be married. You can serve God fully in both callings. If a person is saved and living their life for the Lord, and they desire to be married to someone who is also saved and walking faithful- or if they don't desire that- there is no sin in either choice. 

As a culture we need to realize we are individuals. The way I serve God with my life may be different from the way you serve God. 

And that's okay.