Mother’s Day Shopping Guide

Hey guys!

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, a lot of people are scrambling trying to find gifts. 

But what do you get a woman who has everything?

(We know she has everything because she’s got you, okay? Obviously.) 

Not only do I have a mom, I am a mother. Not to mention the proud recipient of two mother-in-laws (pray for me guys) (no actually, they’re both really great), and two grandmas. I know some stuff about Mother’s Day. 

So here is my official gift buying guide for Mother’s Day. 

1. Flowers. Who doesn’t love flowers, really? There’s something especially sweet about spending a fortune on something that’s gonna die in a few days. However, if your mom is at all like me, she might preserve those glorious bouquets and use them to decorate the house for all eternity. This way, it’s kind of like the coffins for Pharaoh mummies. They’re still dead, but they’re pretty. Or you could go the living flower route. Potted plants or hanging baskets are great. Unless your mom is like me and my black thumb. Then they’ll be dead, but not pretty. 
2. Take her out to dinner. She spent your entire existence feeding you, so you pretty much owe her one. Or a lot of ones. Go all out, because I guarantee you every time you said “I don’t care” when asked what you wanted to eat, made her feel like killing you. And yet here you are reading this, alive (right? I have a strict no ghost policy here), so that counts for a lot. We’re talking steak, or lobster. Even steak and lobster. 
3. Send her on a trip. Sometimes moms just need to get away. But don’t send her anywhere she is required to wear a swimsuit. Let her make that decision for herself. Because as well as making her a mother, you also ruined any chance she had at abs. It was all you, and had nothing whatsoever to do with chocolate or mashed potatoes. 
4. Chocolate. Or any of her favorite snacks. Since you already ruined her abs there’s really no point in giving up the good stuff. 
5. Coffee. No matter how old you are now—even if you’re moved out of the house—I can guarantee she still hasn’t fully recovered from sleep deprivation. Ya girl needs some caffeine. 
6. Buy her something she’ll love. But literally only do this if you know she’ll actually love it. Remember how in high school you swore you and your mom were so different and had different tastes? It’s still true. If she gives a tight lipped smile, her eye twitches, she laughs, or simply says “oh...thanks” after opening it you know you messed up. 
7. Send her shopping. This is the safest way to be sure she loves her gift. Let her buy it herself. Gift cards and cash will never be turned down. Unless of course you buy a gift card to a store you shop at that she’s never stepped foot in. Then I don’t know if there’s hope for you. Moms like routine. They don’t want to be plunged into a new store expected to find something they like enough to buy. It’s stressful. Learn where she shops and stick to it. 
8. Do not give her breakfast in bed. Let the dang woman sleep, okay? You can make her breakfast in the kitchen once she’s good and ready to get up. 

So hopefully that clears some stuff up for everyone doing last minute shopping. Now go forth and treat your life-giver.