The ABCs of Pandemic Survival

Hello good folks. 

I’m coming to you today with a comprehensive list of how to survive a worldwide pandemic. Having made it this far, I’m basically an expert. Especially considering I was doing most of these long before social distancing started. 

A) Be a hermit.

It’s cool, really. Bilbo was a hermit and he’s loved worldwide. Don’t go outside, and if you do make sure it’s just to the boundary of your own garden. 

B) Be antisocial. 

Again, Bilbo perfected this, and he’s loved worldwide. It served him very well too. You’ll notice that when Bilbo broke his routine of antisocial hermit-hood, he was very nearly eaten by a dragon and thrown from the parapets by a gold deranged dwarf king. Avoid any such unpleasantness and all other people as well. 

C) Stock up on the essentials. 

Since you’ll be at home speaking to no one, you’re going to need a few things. I’m going out on a limb here and assuming you’re part of the population who didn’t make it to the store before the army of crazies descended and stole all the toilet paper. If that’s the case, may I suggest Imodium? A toilet paper pandemic is not the time to get the flu. Also, coffee. It prevents insanity, depression, and homicidal tendencies. (Results may vary) 

D) Binge watch

There’s never been a better time to watch your favorite shows. But, might I suggest taking into account the people you are isolated with? You’re already mentally taxed at this point. You really don’t want to have The Zombie Talk with a three year old. 

E) Binge cook 

All the recipes. Main dishes, side dishes, desserts and every dish in between. Remember though that trips to the grocery store are limited, ingredients are scarce, and there is no toilet paper anywhere. Binge cooking also tends to lead to binge eating, which could mean your pants won’t fit by the time this is all over. Binge with caution. 

F) Spring Clean. 

Use this time at home to tackle all the neglected cupboards and closets in the house. 

Actually, don’t. No one needs that kind of negativity. 

G) Video chat with friends and family. 

Just make sure you never actually enter the camera screen. I know we’d all like to think we’re rocking a cool apocalypse outfit, but we’re mostly rocking the look of death by anxiety and sleep deprivation, with an unhealthy dose of caffeine and sugar high. 

H) Home and yard improvement. 

Beautify your space! Just remember, social distancing applies to the hardware store also, and your bank account is empty because you bought all the groceries for binge cooking. 

I) Embrace the opportunities 

Never before has it been socially acceptable to cosplay on a daily basis in public. Are you just gonna let that slip by? Why stop at a basic face mask when you can dress like the worlds best supervillain. And I, I will be on my couch, laughing hysterically at the memes people make of you. 

J) Cruise Baby.

Talk your town into putting on a cruise night. Wave and honk at people like you actually like them. Pretend it’s the golden days and play oldies. Wear sneakers and poodle skirts if you want. Hype of the fact that your dad and husband are gonna tear up the town like they did as youngsters. Then stare in awe and shock as your little sisters get pulled over instead. 

K) Get a creative outlet. 

Now is the perfect time to start up a new novel or other art form. It’s also a great time to scream into the sky that you hate it. 

L) Procrastinate. 

Now is our time procrastinators. We can put off today what can be done tomorrow. Know why? Because we’ll still be stuck in the stupid house tomorrow. 

M) Internet shop. 

We’ve already spent most of our life savings. Why stop at most? 

N) memes. 

Memes are the answer to everything. They will get us through. 

O) Let it out. 

Yell. Scream. Cry. Whatever. 

P) social media. 

There’s some cool stuff going on with everyone trapped inside going insane. And no one can pick on you for staring at your phone because they’re all doing the exact same thing. Your move, boomer. 

Q) Don’t rule out zombies. 

Just because they haven’t arrived yet, doesn’t mean they won’t start. Also, vampires. We’ve all been locked inside away from sunlight for awhile. 

R) Read.

Old books, new books. Read them all. 

S) Garden.

Unless you live in Nebraska. 

T) Sled.

If you live in Nebraska this is your alternative to gardening.

I bet you thought I was going to go through the whole alphabet with tips huh? Or even that I would match the first letter of the tip to the corresponding letter of the alphabet. But no. Just because I have the time to do it doesn’t mean I’m going to waste my time doing it. 

It’s not like you can come over here and stop me. 

How are you getting by through this weird time? Are you still clinging to your sanity, or have you embraced the madness? 

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way meant to belittle or make light of the people who are struggling with this illness or are suffering job loss because of it. My heart absolutely goes out to them and I’ve been praying every day this will end soon. This post is strictly me trying to find a little humor in the insane times we find ourselves in. 

A Guide to Major Book Revisions

Hi guys! 

I am thrilled to announce that I finished the major revisions on Blood and Dust. 

I’m now working through and doing a line edit, checking for areas where I pasted something together and got a stray word in there, and for minor inconsistencies with the new storyline. My goal is to have it polished enough for #faithpitch, #pitmad, and querying in general. 

I’m actually pretty thrilled with myself, as I’ve never done major revisions—or book surgery, as the gals at Go Teen Writers like to call it. Editing, yes. I’ve gone through a novel and tightened up prose and fixed major plot holes. But never have I taken the bare bones of a story and taken it in a totally new direction. Quite frankly, the idea was absolutely terrifying up until last week when I finished it. 

I learned a couple things along the way that made it easier for me, and might be of value to you guys with your own writing. 

I’m no master, obviously. I’ve only accomplished this with one novel, and the jury is still out on beta readers how successful I was. But finishing that first round is the first step. So if you’re terrified to take the first step, like I was, these tips might be just the boost you need. 

1. Get feedback. It’s hard to know what to revise in a full length novel—especially a messy one—if you don’t have some outside eyes on it. Over the course of Blood and Dust’s life, it has been through several rounds of beta readers, I hired two editors to go through my first couple chapters, as well as hiring Kara Swanson to do some coaching sessions where we tore my plot apart. Due to my pregnancy causing exhaustion and lack of funds, I wasn’t able to continue those sessions as long as I would have liked, but the time spent with Kara was invaluable. She was such a help to this story, and in general a sweet soul all the way around. If you are in need of some one on one help with your writing, I would highly suggest her coaching services. I also entered the first two chapters of Blood and Dust in a contest, not because I thought it would win, but because I knew all entries got extensive feedback from multiple judges. I also had some feedback from an agent I had queried. 
2. Assemble and prioritize the feedback. Now that you’ve got all the feedback, start going through it. I wrote my list out on paper, but you could do it on the computer too. Any issues that came up from more than one person I paid special attention to and set as a priority to resolve. Things that came up occasionally but were valid points got jotted down to try and resolve as well, and some critiques that just didn’t fit got discarded. Having the revisions prioritized gave me a clear vision of what needed to be done, on a full story scale or simply clarifying one scene. 
3. Brainstorm and outline. I’m not a major plotter for first drafts, but Kara helped me realize that it’s kind of necessary for major revisions. We’ve got these major problems that need logical and exciting solutions. It takes some forethought. Kara and I brainstormed a whole bunch of ideas. I bounced them off of what I knew about my characters, as well as some of my beta readers that had read the full story and knew it well, then decided which ones I’d like to pursue. One thing I did that was super helpful was write a basic chapter by chapter outline of what happened in the current story. Then write a chapter by chapter outline of what I wanted to happen, noting old scenes that should be kept or discarded. Seeing what I had to work with helped me come up with good alternatives that stayed in character. It also helped me see unnecessary subplots and scenes, since one major issue agents had with the story was the length (123k). 
4. Save the darlings. Before starting out slashing the story, I created a duplicate version of Blood and Dust and named it Revisions. I’ve got the full original in case there is a scene that got cut that I decide I want back. I also created a scrap file for scenes I was cutting out of their current place, but knew for sure I could use in a different place. That way they were all right there and I wouldn’t have to dig through the original story to find them. 
5. Kill the darlings. Start writing. Or chopping. Whatever it takes. I kept my list of critiques handy, as well as my two outlines, and tried to weave in the new themes and plot lines string from the beginning. There were a lot of scenes and plot lines that I was fond of, but  that just honestly didn’t benefit the story. So I cried, said a few words, and hit delete. And told myself I still had the original version safe and sound. 
6. Don’t worry. I set out to trim the story down and in the first few chapters it gained 25k words. That frightened me and I was hesitant to write the new material that needed to be included. But trust me. I’d you’re really honest about each scene, you’ll be able to chop it down to proper size as the story progresses. Currently Blood and Dust is sitting at just over 90K—over a 30k drop. Whatever issue you might be worried about, don’t. You’ve got yourself covered. You saved the original. No change is permanent. You can go over it again. Just keep writing. 
7. Make notes. A couple times later in the story I realized there were some things I forgot to foreshadow earlier, so I made myself a note to go back and do so. Or to check the description of a character who is present in the beginning, but then doesn’t return until the end, to make sure I’m consistent. I won’t remember. You probably won’t either. Make the note. 
8. Talk to people. I sent chunks of the revised story out every so often so the people I knew liked the original story could give me feedback on if this was staying true to the heart but improving the issues. You don’t have to send out chapters yet, but keep open dialogue with writer friends you trust to give solid advice as you encounter issues with plot and character. 
9. Ta-da! That’s it! That’s what I did. Like I said, it’s not done, I’m still going through minor tweaks, but the major word chopping revisions are done, and I’m so happy. 

What about you? Have you undergone major book revisions? Any great tips that helped you through? (Coffee. Coffee helped me through.) 

Three Tips to Keep You Writing This Summer

 Hi guys! 

I hope you have all been having a great summer (especially since it’s nearly over. What????). 

Ours has been full and busy, but definitely a fun one. 

Amidst doctor visits, fairs, family gatherings, and farm work, it’s been a little hard to get any writing done. 

But somehow I’ve managed to putt along and make it to chapter four in my rewrite of Blood and Dust. It’s a little traumatizing, because the story was monstrously large to begin with, and the word count keeps growing. I’m really hoping when I get to the meat of the story that I can start slashing it down to a proper size, as that was one of the issues that kept coming up with the agents who requested a full. 

Today I thought I’d talk a little bit about my writing process, and how to carve time out to write while it’s summer. With a little dedication and perseverance, summer can be a productive season for writers, no matter how busy our schedules get. 

Tip #1. Set an alarm. 

You have to just decide you’re going to get up early and write, because summer days are full of distractions and obligations. I like to set my alarm for 6:30 and then hit snooze every ten minutes until about 7:20. This must be a good technique, because my husband uses it for his farm work too.

Tip #2. Create a routine.

Writers are creatures of habit and OCD tendencies. So it’s important to create a routine for yourself that gets you mentally prepared to write. After I crawl out of bed and get dressed, I like to find breakfast and something to drink. Preferably something hot and caffeinated, but anything wet will do. The corn is tasseling here, so it’s also helpful if I blow my nose about eight million times before sitting down. Can’t really write if you can’t breathe. Then it’s time to fire up the computer. I’m ready...just as soon as it goes through all of its updates and powers on. If you’re you, that’s when you can start writing. If you’re me, that’s when Henry is going to wake up. 

Tip #3. Be flexible. 

You might have to use different methods to write. The notes app on your phone is great. It’s mobile, small, and gives you access to research and Pinterest inspiration...that recipe looks really good. I should make that for dinner. Do I have the ingredients? No. Shoot. I’ll have to go to the store right now. I can write later. 

I actually do have to go to the store now guys. I’m out of bananas and have had no breakfast, and I don’t have the main ingredient for dinner. So this trip is actually going to help me get some writing done today, as it will remove distractions. Wish me luck. 

How do you find time to write in the summer? 

On Vague Tutorials and My Identity Crisis

Hey guys!

Monday I built Henry a slide.

It was sort of a funny story because we ordered the actual slide part knowing it didn't come with any stand or steps, etc. I asked Jarod if that was something he would be willing to build, and he said yes.

So then the slide actually came and I asked him when we could get started and he said I could build it. I had my reservations, since I don't build things, and it was my child that was going to be playing on the thing, but he insisted I could do it.

"Then when people come over you can tell them all about how you're the one who built it," he said.

And I thought, I'm not that vain.

Yet here I am, being that vain.

But anyway, have you guys ever noticed that when you look for a tutorial online for literally anything--hair, makeup, building projects--they all show a messy first picture. Maybe one picture in between, and then the finished product and the directions are just... this is what you need... we're not sure how much of all of that stuff you need, but whatever...it was super easy...just put it together...and you're done!

???

How is that teaching me anything?? If I knew how to just put together the super easy thing I wouldn't be on here reading your tutorial. Duh.

This right here could be a five star tutorial you guys.

• You need some 2x4's. Nine of them, eight feet long. Or something.
• And some screws. We used 3 1/2 inch ones.
• A tape measure is nice.
• Saw horses would have been nicer, but a chair and picnic table will work.
• Also, a circular saw. DONT CUT YOUR FINGERS OFF!
• A pen or marker.
• And my husband said I needed a square, and I tried valiantly to use it, and nothing really happened, so we'll mark that as optional.
• A drill and bits. Bits you don't like, preferably, because you could break two.

Awesome! So that's what you need, now on to how to actually do it.
 

Measure out your boards. We have no formula for this. Just do the math. Legs, braces, steps, platform, railing, etc, etc. This is elementary level addition here. 

Cut the scientifically measured boards.

Screw them together. But first, drill little holes slightly smaller than the screws, so you don't split the board. Once all your tiny drill bits break off in the boards, just screw the screws in anyway.

Use lots of screws so things are stable.

Measure.

Align.

Magic.

And viola!! A fully assembled slide! Your kids are gonna love it.

I hope you guys enjoyed my tutorial.

Be sure to subscribe, leave a glowing review, and five star rating.

Love you guys!

XOXOXOX

Can anyone relate to what I just said? I cannot be the only one who finds these ridiculously unhelpful reviews.

If I am, that's probably going to give me an identity crisis.

Even though I'm already having one.

When asked the question am I a dog or a cat person, I will always, always tell you dog. Hands down. My firm stance is that I'm mildly allergic to cats, don't really like them, but keep them around to keep the rodent population down.

This last month one of my two farm cats had kittens.

And I've been so excited. I strictly post pictures of Henry playing with them to save face, but rest assured I am totally excited.



Ronan, Adam, and Gansey

They're adorable. All boys, and named Gansey, Adam, Ronan, and Noah in honor of The Raven Boys.

Noah actually didn't make it, so...it's fitting considering the events of the book.

But you know, these kittens were thrust upon me. Their mother had them in the garage. I couldn't help it. It's not like I volunteered to be a cat person.

But last night I went to take Jarod a sandwich while he was out planting corn, and when I went to the hydrant to fill his water jug I heard desperate meowing. Now in the place where we were, there are never cats. It's not normal to hear cats there.

So I took him his water, and while walking back found this little gray and white kitten hiding in a bucket. She came right to me and I was like, "Ok, she's coming home with us."

Long story short, me and Henry spent the evening tracking down every lonely meow--through hayfields and prickly weeds--until we found all four kittens.
My guess is someone dumped them, because they were all scattered, and crying, very hungry, and relatively friendly.

They're at our house now. Loving life. Full bellies. And trying to get used to the dog and our current cats.

...
I'm a dog person, you guys. I AM A DOG PERSON!


So what about you? Do you have any tutorial nightmare stories? Or have you found any great ones?
Are you a cat or dog person, and which one are you really?