Too Crazy For You

                                    I wake up terrified and look around. 

                                           Is it time? Do I have to go?

                                       Soft light filters into the room. 

                                                It must be morning. 

                  My eyes swing to the window and find rivers of water
                   running down the glass pane, promising wet and cold.

            I shiver like I'm already in it and pull the blankets tighter around me. 

                         I don't want to go out there. Not again. Not like this. 

                   For a brief moment I wish someone could take my place.
                            Someone else would go out there in my stead.

                               The thought vanishes fast as it had come.
                              I can't do that. It is my place. My destiny. 

                      I must go out there. It would mean death otherwise.
                                 Death for me, no. For the ones I love.
                      And if I caused their hurt I may as well be dead. 

              Who would care for the little orphan Tobias if I didn't go? 

            Who would see to the mothers with new babies at their side?

            Food and water must be gotten to the ones who are locked in,
                                   unable to venture out for themselves. 

    I ponder these things, staring out the crying window until the call comes.

                              "Rise and shine girls. It's time to do chores."

                                             With a sigh I sit up slowly. 

                                    One thought races across my mind.

                I have nothing to write about today. I'm putting this on the blog. 

Blazing Snippets

Today it's windy as all get out outside, and I really haven't done much. I've decided I don't want to do school today (you get to do that when you're three weeks ahead of your teacher in class), and I'm not creative enough to make a blog post out of washing a few dishes. So I've been puzzling all morning about what I should blog about. And then I remembered that I have been writing a lot in the last two nights, and I've got some snippets I could share. So that's what you're getting today.
   
 These are from my story Blaze. Since I'm dropping you right in at about 3/4 of the way through the story, I'll just let you know that Blade and his brothers (Asher and Jace) have taken up rebellion against the government that kidnapped Blade's girlfriend. I love Blade quite a lot. He's a fun character for me to do, but Jace is really my pet. If I ever decided to kill Blade (which I originally did- I mean, the story was called Main Character Dies), Jace would be the one to take his place. It's wrote in first person, and Blade is the narrator.
                                                        (Blade...Kind of)

Cape looked up, her hair tickling my chin. "You look different."
I looked down at her. "Do I?" She nodded and the boys cut in.
"You need to shave!" Deeth said with a nod.
"And mother needs to cut your hair before you turn into a girl." Dirk said with all seriousness.



I was debating whether to go straight to Asher or just wait for him to find out I was back, when something hard hit my shoulder. "Ow!" I scowled and turned.
Jace sat several yards away, bouncing a rock in his palm. He looked up casually. "I was testing a theory. You just confirmed it for me."
I frowned. "Oh, so you weren't just chucking rocks at me for fun?"
"Oh no." He smirked. "I was thinking about a distraction. Small, and basically harmless. But it manages to take your focus off. Like right now, you're thinking about theory's." He threw the rock he had. I flinched, but it hit my collarbone. I scowled and he looked smug. "But now, you've been distracted to thinking about the sting."
"Wrong." I said, rubbing at the spot.
"Oh yes?" He raised an eyebrow.
"I'm thinking about beating you up." I nod.
"At the risk of losing  my defense when Asher finds out you're here? Where's the sense in that?" He stood up, seeming oddly lighthearted. "You know he's going to kill you?"
I did know that. "And you're grinning about it why?"
"Because." He glanced over my shoulder. "No reason that can't wait."

 (And Jace)

"Stop!" I shook my head hard. "You're never going to make it better."
Asher glared. "It hurts me too Blade. I made the wrong call and it cost men their lives. But that's war!"
I shook my head. "I'm done with war." I started to turn away and nearly fell when his fist slammed into me.
"You don't get to be done. We're the only ones standing between them and our families." He glared. "It's not done until they're done. We don't get to just quit."
I scowled fiercely and looked away from him. "Then I'm going to make them fall. They'll all burn."

"This is the way to do it. Set up and let them come to us. It's safer. Easier."
"Yeah." Asher agreed. "I like this."
I pointed off toward Jace, stuffing a dagger into his belt. "He does too."
He frowned and nodded slowly. "Yeah. Sometimes too much, I think. He takes to it. The fighting."
"Not so much the fighting." I say slowly. "The leadership. The strategy of it all."
Asher crossed his arms over his chest and squinted. "Yeah...But you have to admit, he does like the fighting."




"What's got your tail in a wringer?"
"Asher." I spat.
"Ah." Jace nodded a bit. "He gets to the best of us."


Jace frowned a bit. "Tara's a scrappy little thing. You didn't pick a quitter. No matter what happens, she's not going to just sit quiet. She'll keep watching for a way out. If one doesn't come, you'll be coming to get her. Asher wont keep you here forever." He shrugged. "And if he tries, you'll take off without him."
I smiled a little. "It's good to know you have it all figured out."
He nodded and pushed me in the shoulder. "Someone has to keep things straight for you two mush heads. All you do is think about Tara, and Asher is all about the raids." He flourished a hand to himself. "I bring it all together in a happy balance."



"This doesn't even seem real, does it? All this stuff we've been doing; The fighting, raids. All of it. Seems like it's just a dream I should be waking up from any time now."
"Yeah, sometimes it seems like a dream." Jace said slowly. "But sometimes, I think the only time I'm really awake is when I'm fighting."



I looked up past the branches to the sky and wished for something to change. But the stars didn't rearrange; Only winked down at me, probably laughing. Silly human, why should we be bothered by your plight? You're here for a moment, and then gone, and another takes your place.

I moved over to where Jace was snoring and nudged him with my toe. He flinched and latched onto my ankle. I staggered and tired not to fall on him, even though he deserved it. "Jace!" I hissed. "It's me. Let go."
He scowled and sat up, releasing his grip. "Don't sneak up on me."
                                                                                   "I didn't realize you'd become so touchy."




"Jace!" I looked around frantically as I hauled him up by his arm. "Jace, come on!"
He had to live. He had to get away from all these soldiers. There was blood.
"Blade...Blade, you gotta- I gotta tell you something."
"Not now, Jace. Run, come on." I pulled on him, terror driving me like nothing else could.
"Blade!"
I chanced a look at him and my heart almost stopped. I laughed. "Jace...the sword."
He looked at me in bewilderment. "Wha-"
I touched his collarbone where a deep slice ran. He winced and shoved me away, but a smile sptread over his face.
It missed his throat.

                                         


                                             And that's all I've got. Have a good day people!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tag, You're It!

So, Skyle over at Ink Castles did this questionnaire and tagged me to it, so here are my answers for the questions.
Also, this is supposed to be a tag, but several of the blogs I follow have already done it, so I'm kind of at a loss for who else to tag, so I'm just going to give my answers. If you have a blog though, feel free to use the questions :)

1. What are your top five favorite novels?

      In no real order.

1. Inheritance by Christopher Paoloni

2. Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare 

3. Divergent by Veronica Roth.

4. Last stand at Papago wells by Louis Lamour 

5. Another Lamour book, High Lonesome. 

2. What style do you enjoy writing in the most?

      I've wrote in all styles except first person present tense, and I really don't have a favorite. I like whichever one suits the voice of my current character best.

As of right now, most of my stories are written in third person, past tense. The rest are first person, past. 

3. Whose writing do you admire the most?

     I really love Cassandra Clare's description, Christopher Paoloni has always been a favorite because of how he makes you feel so much for his characters (I do anyway). And Veronica Roth. She's another one I can call out for making me feel, as well as her character development. 

4. What is the thing that prevents you most from writing?

     On the large scale, being worried about not being able to do it right, or that certain people will read it and not like it. On a small scale, role playing, reading, tv, and Pinterest. 

5. What is your favorite WIP?

      Oh geez. Well, it changes all the time based on which one I have the most inspiration on, but currently it's my WIP, Blaze. You can check out the blurb over on the My Stories page. 

6. What is your nickname?

      Maddie is a technical nickname, but I also get called Loon quite a bit around the house. For more information on my nicknames, read this post.

7. How many siblings do you have?

       I have two younger minions. 

8. If you could visit anywhere, where would you visit?

     Alaska would be awesome. But if I was feeling nasty toward the cold I'd choose Ireland. If I was picky I would plan a trip hop and go visit all my online friends. 

9. How many writing blogs do you follow?

     Well only two are strictly writing, but I follow lots of blogs that sometimes post about writing. 

10.  If you had to choose between Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston, who would you pick?

      Honestly I'm not a huge fan of either. I don't think either is that good looking and I've never seen Sherlock. But, since I like Loki as a villain, I'll say Tom Hiddleston.

So there you have it! Thanks Skyle, for tagging me. :)

Writing Enthused!

It's happened guys! I've once again become happy about writing...still haven't quite got past the writers block, but I'm not sad about it anymore.

                                                        And you know how it happened?
                                                                       
                                                                        PINTEREST.

                                  That's right. Who says the internet kills a writers creativity?

See, I was bored stupid, and had scrolled through all of my feed and notifications and wasn't quite ready to join the real world, so I searched Murtagh. I do that a lot when I'm bored. Every millennia or so I find a picture I haven't seen before, and it just makes my day. If not, at least I get to look at some really nice stuff ;)
But anyhow, back to my story. I searched Murtagh. And this pin came up:

I know you're looking at this thinking "yeah, that's really great and all, but how the heck does that make you want to write?" Well, I'll tell you.

                                                       I WROTE THE POEM ON THIS.

I've been friends with Murtagh231 on youtube and deviantArt for ages. We've swapped fanfiction, and I've used a lot of her edits in my fanvideos on youtube. And when I showed her this poem she asked if she could make it into an edit, and this is what she came up with. And I absolutely loved it. But didn't figure anyone except her followers on deviantArt would see it.
                                                           BUT IT MADE TO PINTEREST.
                                                          SOMETHING I WROTE IS A PIN.

And hence, I was inspired to continue writing.
So yesterday I grabbed Blaze and started working on it again. I only made it through about half a page before they turned Big Jake on the tv and John Wayne took top priority, but it was a start, and it made me oh so happy.

                 AND, for the best news of all I SIGNED UP FOR A WRITERS CONTEST.
That's right. In April, me and my mom will be packing up early in the morning and heading for my first ever writers conference. I'm anticipating much fun and knowledge gaining. And more enthusiasm to write my little heart out.
....The writers conference is the day after prom, so that should be interesting, considering it will be Minion 1's first year, and I really want her to go, and I kind of hoped to tag along too because I have friends who will be there, but we'll see how that works out. Late nights and early mornings can be hard on mothers.

If you wanna check out any more of Murtagh231's edits, or some of mine on deviantARt, here are the links.
http://murtagh231.deviantart.com/
http://murtaghsgirl1.deviantart.com/

Feel Good Drag

Today I had to go to a 4-H council meeting. Which of course, is the true meaning of fun. Look up Fun in the dictionary and it will say
                    "a 4-H council meeting, usually with a good speaker, and lots of motions made".

                                                              SAID NO ONE EVER.

At the meeting, there was a speaker in all the way from Minnesota. Now I know some great things have come out of Minnesota. Garrett Hedlund for instance, was from a farm in Minnesota. And I have a great doppelgänger (aka, internet friend who's so similar to me it's creepy) who lives in Minnesota. But this woman was neither a handsome hunk with a deep voice, OR an awesome roleplayer. She was- in the words of Minion 1- a feel good talker.
The whole two hour session was filled up on words we need to get out of our vocabulary.
                                                                        Shouldn't.
                                                                           Don't.
                                                                           Can't.
                    Because, guys, those words can hurt self esteem and squash creativity.

To an extent, I agree with the lady. When you're working with little 4-H kids, it's good not to be  negative. But the woman was paid to come here and tell us that.

I'm kind of over the whole self esteem and feel good about yourself thing. Because so many of the people I've heard talk about it seem so fake. They walk into a room and in one sentence they manage to cram in 3 fabulouses, 4 wonderfuls, and a handful of terrifics and that's greats. They're dripping with this feel good stuff. They sound forced. And being forced doesn't make me feel good.

There's a song by Anberlin called Feel Good Drag, and even though it's a great song, it has nothing whatsoever to do with what I'm talking about. BUT, the title works great. I hear these feel good speakers giving their peptalks and it just drags me down. I think they want it to lift me up, but it doesn't. I feel like I'm being lied to.
I think it would help everyone involved if we shoved the feel good fluff under the rug and got down to business.
What drives me nuts about this feel good mentality is that it seems so unachievable to me. You're telling me all these people really feel perfect about themselves every morning when they wake up? That they look at every curve in life and smile? I don't believe it.
But I think the key to all of this is to realize that IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T FEEL GOOD.
I have yet to find anywhere in the Bible that says "thou shalt feel amazing about life at all times".
Correct me if I'm wrong.
I have seen an awful lot of places where people felt downright rotten about things. And they let it run it's course. And then they got to work.
The Psalms are full of verses and verses of David lamenting and going on about how he was a rotten person and nothing was going right for him. And then you know what? After a few verses of that, he was praising God and ready to go back into the fight. I didn't see any verses in there where he said "Now David, this kind of thinking is bad for your self esteem. You're beautiful babe and that's all that matters."
He went ahead and poured out his self pity for God to hear, and by the time he was through he was in the right frame of mind and ready to get back to what God had planned for him.
So, I'm wanting to test out this new way of thinking. I want to remember that it's okay to be down and out, and feeling crummy. And instead of running to myself and telling me all about it and trying to make myself feel better, I'm going to take it all to the one who created me and knows exactly what my heart needs to tick in sync with his plans and how to work it all out for me. :)

The Maze Runner- Book Review

I haven't done one in a while, and I actually did finish a book through the craziness that is my life, so you're getting a book review today.
                                      
                                   My target? The Maze Runner by James Dashner.

                                                   "If you ain't scared, you ain't human."
     When Thomas wakes up in the lift, the only thing he can remember is his name. He's surrounded by strangers--boys whose memories are also gone.
     Outside the towering stone walls that surround the Glade is a limitless, ever-changing maze. It's the only way out--and no one's ever made it through alive.
     Then a girl arrives. The first girl ever. And the message she delivers is terrifying.
(from goodreads)

My sister got me to read this book. She blew through the series in record time, and she really should be doing this review instead of me because she would rock it. She's a diehard fan.
Unlike most of the books Minion 1 asks me to read, I actually liked this one. Quite a bit. I always love a good excuse to walk around calling people names like "Shuck Face" and "Shank". It makes me happy ^_^


This book was totally different than what I usually read. The plot was great. It moved fast enough, but didn't seem rushed. And it was terrifying. Let it be known that I never want to read a chapter describing the noises Grievers make as they move in on the Homestead ever again. It was freaky. Which means it was incredibly well written.
Thomas is 15 so it was great that there wasn't really any of the mature borderline nasty content that is so prevalent in most of the young adult books floating around.
My favorite characters were Newt and Minho. They rock man. I mean, Thomas is good too, but Newt and Minho take the shucking cake.

The one qualm I had with the book was that there was some telepathy, and for some reason that just didn't fit into the setting for me. Maybe it will make more sense when I read the next books. My sister says it will. I'll take her word for it, since I'm reading another series right now, and not moving on to the next book just yet. But still, out of a whole book that's the only complaint I have. I'd say that's pretty crazy. Unacceptable even...
Okay, reason number two I didn't like it, was that Minion 1 talked about it nonstop while she was reading, so I knew the gist of everything that happened long before I ever started the book.
There. Now we have a nice even set of reasons why I didn't totally enjoy reading the book.

AAAAAND, they're making a movie out of it. And my sister is nearly ripping my ear off in her excited chatter about it. I thought I was excited about Divergent coming out.
So, maybe go pick up a copy before the movie is out and encouraging laziness to just watch it on the big screen instead of on the page. Better run fast.

 

 

 

Down in the Dumps

                                         
I'm sorry I neglected you yesterday. I was busy, and honestly, not in any mood to write...I'm still not in a mood to write, but because I hate for little things like words to get the best of me, I'm doing it anyway.
I've heard a lot about the depressed writer, and the moment(s) where they're like "Ugh. My writing stinks and I'll never get it published and I should just give up."  I've never really had one of those moments. Usually I'm more like "This story sucks. It's gonna be a rip to edit."
But, it's actually happened. I've had that black, depths of despair moment happen in my writing this week.  I kind of feel like all my stories should really be used for tinder. No one will want to read them. Certainly not publish them.

                                                                    And I don't like it.
Nothing's coming out the way it should...actually nothing much is coming out at all. I just stare at blank paper and then decide to get on the internet so I feel like I'm at least wasting my time on a worthy cause.
I've decided to completely rewrite the beginning of my Dystopia story. My mom read the first thousand words and said it was The Hunger Games. I'm only in like three chapters, but still, that's a lot of words, and it kind of put a damper on me.
I decided maybe instead of working on all of them at once I'm going to try and just finish Blaze. Course, to finish something, you have to work on it. Haha.
Jake's story just isn't turning out magical for me. My characters aren't listening. The plots are falling flat.
                                                                                
                            AND I've discovered that I suck at writing emotion. Yeah.
Reading through my stuff, it has come to my attention that my characters are pretty good at getting mad, and have a pretty dry sense of humor, and that is the extent of their emotions. I don't do the internal emotions and thoughts reveal well at all. I know what they're thinking and feeling, and I totally forget to write it down.
But it's not just a matter of making sure I write it down. Cause I don't know how to express it. (another personal attribute that has manifested itself in my writing. icky)
Even my go-to sad writing isn't working. I write poetry when I'm down in the dumps. This last week has been a pretty good example of down in the dumpsness. And I got some lines stuck in my head for a poem I want to write. But of the four, they sound like they belong in three different poems. They just don't fit together. But none of the poems are getting wrote in their entirety. I have this vague idea of a thought I want to convey to the reader, but I can't quite grasp onto anything solid with it.
But, don't worry about it too much. I'll get back at it and I'll have some more snippets for you all. I will rise up and beat the vile evil attempts on my life by writers block and bad moods.

                                                            But today is not that day.

So guess what?? I'm going to stop talking about it and tell you the good news. I've got a Tobias. His name is Four...that's uh, a new bottle calf to feed!! AND I laid down the law to my minions and told them that his name was Four. Minion 2 began to shove the law back at me but Minion one stepped in and said we'd name him Tobias and call him Toby. So peace was preserved.

                                                                 His name is Four.