How To (not)

You know, there's a lot of advice floating around out there (in the beyond the beyond) about how to get a boy's attention. There's also a sad lack of advice on how not to go about this. I've done extensive research on this topic and I have compiled a list for you all to study and use.

How not to alert a guy to the fact that you share a planet. 

1. Do not make things up. If by some freak chance he speaks to you, do not give your tree house a cool *cough*lame*cough* secret name.

 

2. Don't run up to him in front of his friends. Especially if it is to demand an explanation for why he's leaving on a mission trip or to ask if he remembers who you are.

3. Don't copy their every move. If they take a drink, leave yours. If he goes for the meat, go for the potatoes instead. 

4. Don't get a Dorito stuck in your throat and cough milk all over them. 

5. Don't forget to bring a razor to camp. Just don't do it. 

6. Don't outrun, out arm wrestle, out thumb wrestle, out shoot, beat at checkers, or have a larger (or even equal) shoe size as them. They just don't like it. 

7. If you're lucky enough to sit on a bench next to them, and someone sits down on the other side of you, don't slide across the five foot of space between you and the guy until your arms touch. 

8. Don't throw things at them. 

9. Don't beat them at capture the flag. They'll notice you yes, but they'll call you horrible. 

10. Don't be short. 

11. Don't fix your earring through the entire church service just so you can keep your head turned to look at them. They'll think you're weird. 

12. If they catch you staring, look away, don't stick your tongue out. 

13. Don't go up and tell them you saw them staring. 

14. Don't dump water on them. 

15. If you're in a choir, don't be the only one staring at your book and never once look up.

16. But do look at your book some. Don't stare at him the whole time either. A) he will NEVER look at you B) the whole church will know you've got the hots for him.

17. Don't tell anyone else. By the end of the week everyone will know. 

18. If he walks into church with a girl, don't start crying. At least wait till the pastor has moved past announcements so that everyone just thinks you're deeply moved by the message. 

 

19. If his relative says to talk to above mentioned girl because she's shy, don't say "is she his girlfriend? Cause I'm no talking to her if she's his girlfriend."

 

Within five minutes the relative will have called him into the kitchen to tell him, and they will laugh at you. 

 

20. Don't let your dad talk to him. Don't do it.

21. Don't yell goodbye when they leave. Really don't yell at them at all. 

22. Don't talk about him like he's not there. If you want to ask what kind of pickup he drives, ask him, not empty space when he's standing three feet away. 

23. Don't try to find common ground. Don't tell them you like to sing too and you should totally tour together, or that you play guitar too, or that you got your wisdom teeth out as well and also turned into a complete grouch. 

24. Don't drive down the road like a zombie. Inevitably you will meet them and they'll wave and you'll just be there all zoned out and they'll forever remember you as that girl who drives in her sleep. 

25. Don't tell the same story six times in one hour. 

26. Don't bother sitting with his family at a potluck cause he'll go sit with your family instead. 

27. Don't let on that you remember things he did when he was 8 when he doesn't even remember knowing you back then. 

 

 

28. Don't get a zit on your forehead. 

29. Don't bother dressing up nice because he won't be in church that day. Wait till you're dressed kinda strange. He'll show up every time. 

So there you have it. This probably isn't a complete list, but it should give you a good start. 

Note: 0% of these examples came from personal experience.